So he called me over, and I excitedly asked him to print it, because I really wanted to see what the story was exactly. And as I read the short portion of the incomplete story, I wanted to share it because I thought that it was good. That for an eleven-year-old, the story was written oddly well.
And to me, it doesn’t look like it was written by an eleven-year-old. Besides the small little details that show you that it’s definitely not edited or anything, it really is written well.
So without further rambling, here is an unfinished story by me at age eleven. I’ll start off with the prologue.
The Moo Queen
There once was a poor girl. She didn’t have a lot of money to be able to go to school like regular girls would. But, she had a dog and he was her only friend. She had named him Moo because she would always have dreams about cupcakes who were from a village called Moo Land. She has always wished that shee would magically go a be a villager of Moo Land. And maybe a queen of the village. The next day, she woke up as usual, ran off to steal some food for her family to eat but, she instead got blown off to another world.
To be honest, here I am just itching to fix all the mistakes that my computer is showing me, but I am refusing to do so, so you all will actually be able to see the real story written by an 11-year-old.
So I feel like the part about her having a dog that was her only friend was a really good thing to throw in there because then I was able to talk about how she had dreams about Moo Land and be a villager of that world or a queen. I just think that was a good transition to add in, because she got to reference that, which becomes helpful in the first chapter.
“Wh-where are I? Why am I here? Did you find out I was the one who stole the kings breakfast?” stammered Melissa.” Melisssa, you did nothing wrong. We are here to say that you are the new queen of Moo Land”, said a voice that sounded like a cupcake, oddly familiar. ”
“Huh? Wait, is this from that wish I had asked from a shooting star?” asked Melissa, with little excitement in her voice. Nothing exciting ever happened in Melissa’s life, so this was the first time that it happened except for the time when she stole and orange from the market. “Yes, I am Titanna, I was the old queen of this village, but i have decided that I am far to old to continue doing this.So you, my queen in training will become a queen……………. soon.” explained Titanna. Mellissa gulped.” What do you mean by queen in training?” asked Melissa. Titanna ignored her question and said,” Now lets go have a tour of your soon to be city.”
Titanna showed Melissa around the village and was quite pleased with what she had done.” Well, this is the castle and where we keep our knights” . said Tianna. ‘Why did you bring me here?” asked Melissa jerking away from Titanna. Titanna walked slowly torward the statue of a giant smiling cupcake.She laid her hand on the cold surface of the statue. ” I brought you here because…… I I am dying.
I am kind of surprised at how short the first chapter is, but I didn’t expect a thirteen-page chapter. Although I can do that now, I am not sure at that age I was able to write thirteen pages, much less sit down for that much time to write that much.
First of all, I don’t mind the abundance of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. I expected those when I first was reading it. But really, I did not know I knew words like jerking and stammered. I feel like I recall having a small vocabulary of words, and that was it. Either I looked up words for writing this, or I was just a really wordy kind of person, and I never knew that about myself.
The fact that the name Titanna is not a surprises me, but I am sure that I just misspelled it. But the fact that every Titanna is underlined in red bothers me, and there’s a lot of red.
” I have been injected with poison by a mysterious person. All I saw was that she was a green person.Very pecuilar, if you ask me. ” explained Titanna. ” Maybe it would have been one of the frog kings servants, even though he said it wasn’t him. I have been through this a lot to know not to believe a thing that that rascal said” . told Titanna. Melissa with great speed walked backward a good distance away from Titanna. ” I din’t even know you and you BRING ME TO SOME KIND OF FAKE WORLD! And you tell a STRANGER EHO YOU ARE!” said Melissa with fear creeping out of her voice.
“Melissa, you know how you have never had a mother, well your father married me, Melissa. I was always your mother.” said Titanna. Tears streamed down her face.” Mom, I knew you were alive but father said you weren’t and to belive that. I just couldn’t. I knew you were out there in the world spending everyday of your life looking for me.” cried Melissa. “I was. Then this wonderful village allowed me to become their queen.” told Titanna. “Bu- But you are dying.” protested Melissa. ” I still sent knights to look for you though.”
So, I’ve just realized that I had spacing issues.. Almost every since problem is spacing problems, or just the normal spelling issues.
I don’t get why I made it so short and simple by putting all the real good things people would want to know at the beginning of the story, because the chapters are so short.
But anyways, I really enjoyed that, and I wasn’t that bad of a writer when I was younger! Maybe it was a secret hidden talent, I don’t know, but I do know that with a little tweaking that story could be amazing.
Did you ever write a story when you were younger? If so, is it childish, yet good at the same time?
I think that if you wrote a story when you were younger and it was good, then you’re destined to do something with writing someday.
Until next time….
Miss Dino, The Dinosaur Enthusiast.